I went to my first Al Anon meeting last Sunday. I felt numb the entire time. It wasn't until a few hours later that I burst, and cried, but couldn't untangle all the emotions I was feeling.
The structure is something to get used to. I could barely hear the person's name, before everyone chanted "HELLO EMILY." And there were quite a few recitations from the Alcoholics Anonymous' 12 steps. There were two banners hanging on the wall listing all the steps and traditions. Something I couldn't get used to was the word "share." Every meeting begins with a "share," in which the leader of the group offers a personal story with a theme and lesson. Last week the theme was Surrender. My friend and I missed the "share," because we were intent on getting our coffee at Starbucks. We walked in late, with cups in hand. But I must say it was comforting to have warmth in my cupped palm; we were both so skittish about going. The meeting felt lacking without this beginning bit, which set the tone for every one's "share." Geez! I have an issue with that word: it seems to cheapen what someone says! Within all the all-female group, the bravery was strong. People shared some serious and personal stuff, and to call it a "share," as someone is opening up about her home life and crying, for maybe the first time in a while, or for the 5th time that day it seems weird to offer a thank you for her "share." What about: "thank you for having the strength to pour your heart out in front of us, we're here for you, that's why we're all collected in this room?" Maybe all of these sentiments are built into their "shares," and I should just get over it.
Anyhow, I've decided to go back to another meeting, at a different location, to seek out a different group. I won't give up yet. Most people I talk to say, go to about 3 and then decide if it's right for you. Still I felt more peace from the Against the Stream meditation.
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