THANKS FOR THE PHONE CALL LAST WEEK. IT REALLY CHEERED ME UP IN MY TIME OF NEED. BUT BECAUSE WE CHATTED, I DIDN'T WRITE! SO I AM WRITING TO YOU NOW. FINALLY SITTING DOWN IN A LITTLE COZY CORNER OF MY BUNGALOW IN VENICE, FULLY INTENDING TO USE THE BETTER PART OF TWO HOURS TO DEVOTE, IN WRITING, TO YOU.
I WANTED TO SHARE A SHORT STORY I HAVE WRITTEN WITH YOU:
ORIGINALLY I HAD GIVEN THIS IDEA TO A FELLOW WRITER FRIEND OF MINE, ONE WHO COULD HAVE REALLY SCULPTED IT WITH RARE ADJECTIVES AND ELONGATED SENTENCES, VISUALLY REMINISCENT OF SPIDER LEGS, WHICH IS THE STORY'S SUBJECT. BUT THEN I WAS TOO EXCITED TO LET THE IDEA FALL OUT OF MY FINGERS ALTOGETHER. SO I'VE TAKEN IT BACK.....
COMFORTABLY SITUATED IN THE V OF THE UPPER LEFT CORNER OF THEIR BEDROOM, A LOVELY LONG-LEGGED SPIDER SAT TWIDDLING HER LONG-LEGGED LEGS. SHE HUMMED A TUNE MANY A MALE SPIDER HAD SPAT AT HER WITH SILVERY THREADS TRYING TO SNARE HER; THE TUNE HAD BELONGED TO THE DOORS BEFORE SHE HAD CAPTURED IT AS IT DID RESEMBLE HER SO WELL. "HER ARMS ARE WICKED AND HER LEGS ARE LONG, WHEN SHE MOVES MY BRAIN SCREAMS OUT THIS SONG–" HER HEART THUMPED WICKEDLY.
DESPITE BEING WOOED CONTINUALLY BY THIS SONG, SHE HAD NEVER BEEN TEMPTED BY ANY OF THE HANDSOME BROWN MALES THAT SCUTTLED AND JUMPED HER WAY. THEY WERE ALWAYS TOO FORWARD, TOO–FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD–JUMPY. SHE WANTED ROMANCE AND LOVE FROM THOSE MALE SPINDLES, BUT ALAS, THEY WERE ALWAYS BEING EATEN BY OTHER FEMALES. INSTEAD SHE SET HER SIGHTS ON A VERY DIFFERENT ANIMAL. A BLONDE, TALL, AND QUITE HANDSOME MAN NAMED MICHAEL. IT WAS HIS BEDROOM IN WHICH SHE TOOK HER COZY RESIDENCE. SHE LIKED THAT HE CRANKED THE HEAT, LEFT CRUMBS IN THE BED FOR HER TO FEAST ON. IT DIDN'T MATTER TO HER ANOTHER ANIMAL OCCUPIED THE SAME BED–SOME FEMALE WHO DIDN'T CRANK THE HEAT AND CERTAINLY DIDN'T LEAVE ANY CRUMBS FOR HER PRETTY PINCERS, AND MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT LIKE HER. OFTEN SHE'D POINT UP THE THE CEILING CORNER WHERE THE SPIDER AND HER LONG LEGS CROUCHED ADMIRING MICHAEL; THAT POINTING FINGER, FULL OF ACCUSATIONS, BECKONING MICHAEL TO PERFORM HER RIDDANCE. OH MISS SPIDER HATED THAT GIRL, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT SHE WAS, A DISGUSTING GIRL, WHO DIDN'T SMELL NEARLY AS NICE AS MICHAEL. BUT THAT STENCH DID NOT DISSUADE MISS SPIDER FROM PUNCTURING HER SOFT SKIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO CAUSE GREAT ITCHING AND SWELLING THE FOLLOWING MORNING. MISS SPIDER DELIGHTED IN WATCHING HER LONG-LEGGED HANDIWORK.
AND WITH MICHAEL, SHE TOOK GREAT CARE WITH EACH BITE, ONLY INJECTING THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF VENOM, SO AS NOT TO ITCH, BUT JUST TO NIBBLE, AS IF GIVING HIM THE DAINTIEST LOVE BITE. OH SHE LOVED HIM. SHE LOVED HIM ALL OVER, PIMPLING HIM WITH TINY LOVE BITES. HE'D AWAKE THE NEXT DAY WITH RED DESIGNS, DELICATELY SPELLING OUT LOVE POEMS, ALL DISCERNED FROM DOTS. AND MOST OF THESE DOTS OCCUPIED HIS ARMPITS, WHERE IT MUST BE WARM AND RIPE WITH PHEROMONES FOR THE LITTLE PEST, HE THOUGHT.
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WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? I HAVEN'T FINISHED IT OF COURSE. BUT THERE IT IS.
I FIND IT A HUGE RELIEF TO WRITE TO YOU. I'VE BEEN MEANING TO FOR TWO WEEKS, ALTHOUGH IT FEELS LIKE MUCH LONGER. THESE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN HARD AS MY PREVIOUS LETTER DRIPPED IN TORMENT. I CAN BE QUITE DRAMATIC. BUT TO MAKE MY DRAMA WORSE, I GOT FOOD POISONING. I THINK FROM THE ICE AT A DIVE BAR. AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT SEVERAL OTHERS CONCLUDED, SINCE I WASN'T THE SOLO SICKIE. I WISH YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TO TAKE CARE OF ME. TELL THE LOUVRE TO HOLD ON. AND TELL THE TATE THERE IS A MAN MORE IMPORTANT TO RESTORE THAN DALI AND BARTOLOZZI COMBINED. HA! WHAT WOULD THEY SAY? THEY WOULD THUNDER, "EROS AND PSYCHE WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!"
BUT YOU WOULD COME TO ME ANYWAY, WIPE THE VOMIT FROM MY CHIN AND STILL THINK I WAS SEXY AND GOOD LOOKING.
WELL I HOPE THIS LETTER REACHES YOU BY WAY OF STEADY HANDS AND HEARTY MINDS. WOULDN'T IT BE WONDERFUL IF EVERY PERSON WHO TOUCHED THIS LETTER BETWEEN LEAVING MY HANDS AND ENTERING YOURS WROTE A LITTLE MESSAGE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE ENVELOPE?
SOMETHING SMALL OF COURSE. JUST A FACT. OR A SENTIMENT. "IT'S SUNNY AND I REGRET WEARING PANTS." OR PERHAPS SOMETHING LIKE, " I DETECT THE SCENT OF LOVE ON THIS SEALED EDGE, SO I HAVE CARRIED IT THROUGH MY ROUTE IN MY BRIEFS." FOR ADDED SCENT?
LOVE,
B
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